Confession - Prone to Suggestion

Saturday, April 4, 2015


Okay New series coming at you! This series will basically highlight more of what goes on in my brain. Warning this will be more of a rant style post. So if you do not want to get sucked into to the endless void of "I just waisted my time" go ahead and feel free to just carry on to some of my other blog posts :)

So I've always been a very very easily paranoid person. I'm literally afraid of everything! Well not to the point where I can't go out and enjoy life but just to the point where I hesitate a lot. For example, If I get invited to go to the movies; I'll try to unconsciously find excuses to get myself out of going. It's not that I don't want to go, it's just that my mind goes straight to thinking negatively; meaning that I miss out on a lot of things (I'll elaborate more on this in a later post when I feel more ready to talk about it).

On top of being irrationally paranoid, I am also a tad bit of a germaphobe and a hypochondriac. Again, I'm not much of either all of the time. It just happens when I let myself overthink everything. Although you can classify me as a hypochondriac. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a person who becomes overwhelmingly anxious when their health is at risk. For me that would be diseases. Thus, germaphobe comes into play. 

During my junior year in high school I took an anatomy class. Which was probably the worst thing I could have done to myself. My teacher talked a lot about heart conditions and STI's. Just try to imagine how uncomfortable I was in class whenever he would talk about different diseases and their symptoms. I would start to wonder if I have ever felt any of them. My mind would try to convince me that I did. This made my anxiety start acting up, thinking that because my shoulder was hurting the other day it meant that I too was going to have a heart attack right then and there. Any mention about how the body works makes my heart feel weak and I can't get myself to feel comfortable. My whole body just becomes really - really uncomfortable, and fatigued! It was then that I realized that I could not and will not ever be a doctor. 

Now I'm taking a Human Sexuality class at my college and although I really - really like it; we have just gotten to the sexually transmitted diseases section. Guess who will probably try to avoid any human contact for a while? This girl! Okay so maybe not avoid all contact, but I will admit that i'll be thinking it. 

Sometimes I think that I would be better off living in a plastic bubble; like the one Cody had in the episode where he was afraid of germs. You see the thing about me is that once you mention something to me my brain will go crazy! So if you tell me that a new virus is going around; I will internally cry if I have to touch the door handle. I don't show these emotions very often because well if I did people would think that I'm just an overly sensitive person. Honestly though I have no control over it. It's just something that my mind and body do naturally. 

I have probably just lost all of you. I told you I'm horrible at explaining things.

Do any of you experience these feelings? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

"Don't think too much. You'll create a problem that wasn't even there in the first place"

xoxo,
Crystal 



7 comments:

  1. I completely understand, I am exactly the same - you're not alone, i'm glad I found your blog so that I know that there is someone else out there the same as me (if that makes sense because I can't explain things well either!)
    ~basicallychloe xx
    Don't forget to smile! :) ~ x
    www.basicallychloe.blogspot.com x

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    1. You make absolute sense :)Thanks for that it honestly made me smile to hear that I'm not alone on this.

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  2. Your not alone! I am always very paraniod and I always think about the worst case scenario :( Worrying is literally part of my daily routine. Chin up and smile!
    -Jess

    springbaby06.blogspot.com.au

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    1. I know! it really sucks having to be that person. Whenever my friends want to do something I'm always the person to be like but "what if". Thanks for your comment :)

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    2. Yea, "what if" is something I say A LOT

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  3. I experienced something similar after taking my health course in high school. It can be very dangerous, but being careful is very important :)

    Brooke | brookewrote

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    1. I completely agree! :) Thanks for your comment <3

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